I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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