in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
