my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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