well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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