Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize