you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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