Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
