Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
