I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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