I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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