wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
