She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
