I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
