just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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