She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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