all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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