I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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