She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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