I accidentally had phone sex last night
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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