Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
