i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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