I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
