dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
