Me. At least after what I've been through.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
