I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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