i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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