My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I puked a lego.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
