saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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