have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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