i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
