I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
