Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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