Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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