that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
