you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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