I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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