I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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