Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store