The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.