we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner