My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.