i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?