i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"