I just saw a hot homeless man
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This is the high leading the old right now
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.