I love black thongs
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce