If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
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Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight