Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
