Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
