If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
