the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
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You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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