what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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