I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
As shirtless as possible
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
