Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
