Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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