Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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