OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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