Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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