apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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