She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
