I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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