you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
