CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
