dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
