I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize