Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize