and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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