I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
