I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
