I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
