Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
