If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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